To everyone who attended the Puppet Show

To everyone who attended the Puppet Show with me last week:

I'm sorry.

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the Evil Puppet Villain on fire.

No, I didn't. Just kidding.

I said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is "freaking out." Another emotion is "greed, " as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is "generosity, " as when you pay someone DOUBLE what he paid for his STUPID PUPPET!!!

Waterslide Technician

When someone would ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up," I would usually respond with,"Fireman" or "Orthodontist."

I've changed my mind.

I'm going to be a Waterslide Technician. I'll travel the world, making Water Parks safer places. The waterslides I work on won't tear your shorts on the way down leaving you PRACTICALLY NAKED WHILE EVERYONE POINTS AND LAUGHS AT YOU!!! WHO'S IN CHARGE OF MAINTAINING THIS WATERSLIDE??? HEY!!! IS IT YOU!!!!! WHAT'S WITH THE "SWIMSUIT SLICER" HALF WAY DOWN??? YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE DIDN'T YOU!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HAND ME A TOWEL!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that's my dream job. I can almost feel the chlorine burning my nostrils and dulling my sense of smell this very minute. That's the only thing I hate about working at water parks.

What will you be when you grow up?