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Cow Gives Birth to something Strange!

Some facts about Chuck Norris that Garlic Boy left out.


Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be a less painful way to die.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting allows for the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can throw a 135 mph fastball with his moustache.

Chuck Norris once killed a man, bought him back to life, and then killed him again. When asked why, he replied, "Did you see the look on his face the second time around? Priceless."

If Chuck Norris ever actually submitted a fact on this blog it would be the last thing you ever read, because it would literally come through the screen and snap your neck.

9/10ths of the law is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented time so that he could keep track of the last time he roundhouse kicked someone to the face.

Many ancient Greeks believed that Achilles' only weakness was his heel. They were wrong - Achilles' other weakness was, in fact, Chuck Norris.

One wide spread myth is that the quickest way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Of course we know this to be completely false. It's with Chuck Norris' fist.

Texas once used Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick as a tool to execute people. George W had to put a stop to it because it was too cruel and unusual and awesome. It was so awesome that the number of homicides spiked because people just wanted the chance to be roundhoused by Chuck. Chuck was enraged by W's decision so much that he roundhouse kicked his mother, Barbara, to death. The Barbara we see today is actually an android.

To everyone who attended the Puppet Show

To everyone who attended the Puppet Show with me last week:

I'm sorry.

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the Evil Puppet Villain on fire.

No, I didn't. Just kidding.

I said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is "freaking out." Another emotion is "greed, " as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is "generosity, " as when you pay someone DOUBLE what he paid for his STUPID PUPPET!!!

Waterslide Technician

When someone would ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up," I would usually respond with,"Fireman" or "Orthodontist."

I've changed my mind.

I'm going to be a Waterslide Technician. I'll travel the world, making Water Parks safer places. The waterslides I work on won't tear your shorts on the way down leaving you PRACTICALLY NAKED WHILE EVERYONE POINTS AND LAUGHS AT YOU!!! WHO'S IN CHARGE OF MAINTAINING THIS WATERSLIDE??? HEY!!! IS IT YOU!!!!! WHAT'S WITH THE "SWIMSUIT SLICER" HALF WAY DOWN??? YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE DIDN'T YOU!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HAND ME A TOWEL!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that's my dream job. I can almost feel the chlorine burning my nostrils and dulling my sense of smell this very minute. That's the only thing I hate about working at water parks.

What will you be when you grow up?

Re: Garlic Boy

In response to: http://garlicboy.blogspot.com/2004/11/response-to-movie-review.html


Well....Ahem....Could you please find some other historic tragedy to exploit for your own personal amusement. Talk about insensitivity! And I still want to go see The Incredibles again.

Does anyone know who John Stossel is!?